The Impact of Overthinking
Hey there! So, I've been wanting to write about something that's basically been my lifelong companion - overthinking. You know that feeling when your brain just won't shut up? Yeah, that's pretty much my default state. Some people try to make me feel better by saying it means I'm "deep" or "thoughtful," but between you and me? Most days it just feels like having a very anxious DJ constantly mixing tracks in my head.
"Imagine having Spotify on shuffle with 100 different songs playing at once - that's my brain on a quiet day."
The Never-Ending Cycle
Every morning, my mind wakes up running like an old computer with too many tasks to handle. I worry about things like, "Did I lock the door?" or "What if my presentation doesn't go well?" There's even a thought lingering since three years ago: "Should I have said 'you too' when the barista told me to enjoy my coffee?" It's amazing how I still think about that awkward moment!
It's funny because I can remember exactly what I wore to a meeting on a random Tuesday in 2016. But if you ask about my dinner last night, I have no idea. My mind works like that friend who can recall all the embarrassing stories but somehow forgets to buy milk on the way home.
My Journey into Startup Life
An unexpected change in my life happened – I accidentally became the founder of a startup! It sounds unreal, but I was just experimenting with a side project. It was like picking up a guitar just to play for fun at home. Then, a friend tried it out and said, "This could be something big!" Now, I find myself pretending to understand business terms like "Series A" and "burn rate."
My mind is now filled with questions like:
- "Am I really the right person for this role?"
- "What if people realize I'm figuring this out as I go along?"
- "Would staying at my old job have been the safer choice?"
- "Do people notice I learned about startups by watching the TV show Silicon Valley?"
- "Is it normal for CEOs to spend too much time eating cereal because of stress?"
Here's something amusing: I'm the person on video calls who always has "camera issues." The truth is I'm worried that everyone is silently judging my awkward face on Zoom.#### A Story of Regret
Alright, let’s dive into a little story. Imagine this: I'm back in high school, and a really cool girl tells me she likes me. Sounds like a dream, right? But my brain is an expert at messing up these movie moments.
Instead of acting like a normal person, I started overthinking everything:
- "Is she just messing with me?"
- "What if we start dating, and she finds out I'm really boring? (Seriously, my talent is overthinking)"
- "What if my awkwardness ruins it all? (I'm as awkward as it gets)"
- "What if she just meant she likes my shirt? (And it wasn't even a nice one)"
- "What if this is some alternate reality? (I just said it for laughs, I don't really get it)"
- "What if I'm not good enough for her? (This thought pops up whenever I see her)"
Here's the truth: I did nothing. Instead, I imagined a whole future with us married and having kids. Now, sometimes I torture myself by looking at her Instagram. She's having a great life, and I'm here stuck overthinking everything.
The Self-Consciousness Challenge
Being self-conscious is like having a stream of negative comments in your head.
My constant buddy is self-consciousness! Combined with overthinking, they turn simple tasks into complex challenges. Here are my everyday worries:
- Walking in public (Am I swinging my arms too much or not enough?)
- My laugh (Do I sound like a hyperactive dolphin?)
- My outfit choices (Is wearing black too predictable?)
- Just standing around (How do people seem so natural?)
- Breathing (Am I doing it manually now?)
- My hair (Is it too oily?)
I once spent 45 minutes practicing how to casually put my hands in my pockets. Who does things like that? Apparently, I do.
The Social Media Spiral
Social media can be quite the challenge. Each post feels like I'm preparing for a little TED talk:
- Type a message
- Delete it
- Type again
- Add an emoji
- Remove the emoji
- Try a different emoji
- Erase the whole message
- Start over
- Eventually, just go with liking someone else's post instead
Moving Forward
I'm writing this because I know there might be others like me who take ages to decide between sending "haha" or "hahaha" in a message. If that's you, hello! We could start a support group. Though, we'd probably spend too much time thinking about what to name it before it even begins.
"Sometimes the real win is just sending a message without drafting it elsewhere first."
I'm working on just doing things without overthinking. Trying to live in the moment and make decisions without needing a spreadsheet. It's all about taking small steps, right? Like sharing this post without checking for errors 47 times.
Let's be honest, I did check it 48 times.