The Impact of Overthinking
Hey there! So, I've been wanting to write about something that's basically been my lifelong companion - overthinking. You know that feeling when your brain just won't shut up? Yeah, that's pretty much my default state. Some people try to make me feel better by saying it means I'm "deep" or "thoughtful," but between you and me? Most days it just feels like having a very anxious DJ constantly mixing tracks in my head.
"Imagine having Spotify on shuffle with 100 different songs playing at once - that's my brain on a quiet day."
The Endless Loop
My typical day starts with my brain firing up like an old computer with too many programs running. "Did I lock the door? What if my presentation bombs? Should I have said 'you too' when the barista said 'enjoy your coffee'?" (That last one happened three years ago, and yes, I'm still thinking about it.)
It's kind of funny, actually - I can remember exactly what I wore to a random Tuesday meeting in 2016, but ask me what I had for dinner yesterday? Total blank. My brain's like that friend who remembers all the embarrassing stories but forgets to buy milk on the way home.
Recent Struggles with My Startup
So here's a plot twist in my life - I accidentally became a startup founder. No, seriously! I was just tinkering with this side project (you know, the way you start learning guitar thinking you'll just play in your bedroom), and then my friend tried it out and went all "This could be huge!" Now I'm here, pretending I know what terms like "Series A" and "burn rate" mean.
My daily thought carousel now includes gems like:
- "Wait, am I actually qualified for this?"
- "What if everyone realizes I'm just making this up as I go?"
- "Should I have stuck to my day job?"
- "Is it obvious I learned everything I know about startups from watching Silicon Valley?"
- "Do real CEOs spend this much time stress-eating cereal?"
Fun fact: I've become that person in video calls who always has a "camera issue." The issue being that I'm convinced everyone's judging my awkward zoom face.
A Story of Regret
Okay, storytime! Picture this: I'm in high school. This super cool girl straight up tells me she has a crush on me. Dream scenario, right? Well, welcome to my brain's special talent for turning rom-com moments into psychological thrillers.
Instead of doing literally anything normal, my mind went into full conspiracy theory mode:
- "What if she's pranking me?"
- "What if we date and then she discovers I'm actually super boring? (I am super boring, the only thing I'm good at is overthinking lol)"
- "What if my awkward ruins everything? (I am super awkward)"
- "What if she meant she likes my shirt? (It wasn't even a nice shirt)"
- "What if this is actually a parallel universe? (I'm not even sure what that means, this is a joke)"
- "What if I'm just not good enough for her? (Every time I see her I think this)"
Spoiler alert: I did absolutely nothing. Well, except create an entire imaginary future where we got married, had 2.5 kids. Now I just occasionally torture myself by checking her Instagram, where she's living her best life while I'm still here overthinking about overthinking.
The Self-Consciousness Beast
"Having self-consciousness is like having a really mean YouTube comments section living in your head 24/7."
And then there's my BFF (Best Frightening Feature) - self-consciousness! Together with overthinking, they're like Batman and Robin, if Batman and Robin's superpower was making simple tasks super complicated. Here's a peek at my daily concerns:
- Walking in public (Is this how normal humans swing their arms? So I don't swing my arms too much or too little when I walk)
- My laugh (Why do I sound like a dolphin having a sugar rush?)
- My outfit choices (Is wearing black again too predictable?)
- Existing in spaces (How do people just... stand naturally?)
- Breathing (Is manual breathing mode activated yet?)
- My hair (Is it too greasy?)
I once spent 45 minutes in front of my mirror practicing how to casually put my hands in my pockets. Who does that? Me. I do that.
The Weight of Daily Decisions
Shopping is my personal Olympic sport. Here's me at the grocery store:
- "Why are there so many types of bread? What does my bread choice say about me as a person?"
- "Should I get the fancy olive oil? Will the cashier judge my financial decisions?"
- "Do I look suspicious just standing here contemplating tomatoes?" True story: I once spent two hours in the toothpaste aisle reading about different whitening technologies. The security guard started getting concerned.
The Social Media Spiral
Don't even get me started on social media. Every post is like preparing for a tiny TED talk:
- Type message
- Delete message
- Retype message
- Add emoji
- Delete emoji
- Add different emoji
- Delete entire message
- Start over
- Give up and just like someone else's post instead
Moving Forward
Look, I'm writing this because maybe, just maybe, there's someone else out there who takes 20 minutes to decide whether to send "haha" or "hahaha" in a text. If that's you - hi! We should start a support group. But we'd probably overthink the group name too much to ever get started.
"Sometimes victory is just hitting send without drafting it in Notes first."
I'm trying to be better at just... doing things. Living in the moment. Making decisions without creating a spreadsheet first. Baby steps, right? Like publishing this post without checking it for the 47th time for typos.
Who am I kidding? I totally checked it 48 times.