Reflecting on Change
I decided to open my old Facebook account today. I can’t even remember when I last used it, but there it was snapshots of old memories. Friends, family, and people I once knew all living their lives, smiling, celebrating, moving forward.
Then, I started to wonder: What am I doing with my life? Am I making the wrong choices? Am I spending time on things no one understands? While they’re out there living, am I just caught in a cycle of code, projects, and ideas that only I get? Am I scared?
The Inner Struggle
Seeing those pictures, I asked myself: Am I doing the right thing? I spend sixteen hours a day coding, attending meetings, and managing a startup. My world revolves around code, solving problems, and building systems. Yet, others out there are living life on their own terms going out, traveling, and enjoying the moment.
I felt like I was having a crisis about what I’m doing with my life. For a few moments, I was back in that mental space wondering about everything. Am I doing the right thing, or am I working nonstop while others live their lives fully?
I know social media only shows the good bits, but it’s hard not to get swept up in it. Even when you know it’s not the whole story, it feels like you’re missing out. It doesn’t show real life, but in that moment, it can feel very real.
Balancing My Love for Coding and Life
I’m not unhappy with my life in fact, I'm quite happy. Coding is my passion, and I'm putting all I have into it. But seeing others enjoy life in their own way is hard to explain.
I’ve talked about this before, maybe you’ve heard it. Right now, I can’t shake this feeling, even though I enjoy my life. There’s something about watching others that stirs this unexplainable feeling in me.
Yes, I'm happy, but seeing happy people online stirs something inside. Social media is a collection of highlights, and knowing that doesn’t completely remove the feeling. Despite all my understanding, it’s hard to ignore entirely.
It’s like a tug-of-war between my knowledge and my emotions. I’ve always believed true happiness comes from within from pursuing what excites and challenges me. And that’s exactly what I’m doing: coding, building, and creating. Yet, sometimes emotions seep in, and I question if I'm missing something.
Social media can make you feel left out as if everyone else has things sorted out. Even knowing people share only their best moments, the feeling doesn’t always disappear.
Perhaps it’s not what others are doing but how I occasionally feel cut off from the world around me even when doing what I love. This feeling of being alone isn't about work; it’s about those quiet pauses where you step back and ask if you're living the life you truly want. That question doesn’t always come with an easy answer.
The Private Self
I often think about joining others and being part of something bigger than just me. But the truth is, I've always been a private person. I don't show my face or put up pictures anywhere. Most of my life is kept secret. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to let others in, to have more friends and share more, but usually, I keep my distance.
You might find it funny because I share a lot in my blog and journal. However, that's different this space is mine. In reality, I'm much more private. I don't have many friends beyond my team. Most people I talk to are either from my team or my family, and that's just how it is.
Lately, I've felt caught between two worlds. One is where I openly share my thoughts, and the other is where I stay private. I often wonder if I'm missing out on real connections beyond work. But the idea of opening up too much feels risky. Staying in my own world seems safer, but is it the right choice?
Here's the big question: How do you balance being yourself and sharing yourself with others? Is it possible to have both?
The Struggle with Connection
I've always felt a bit awkward. I don't know how to talk to people or make real connections. When someone speaks to me, I often don't know how to respond. Maybe that's why I keep to myself it feels safer.
I've spent most of my life working, creating, and building because it's easier than dealing with not knowing how to connect with others. It's not that I don't want connections; I just don't know how to make them.
I'm worried about what people might think of me or how they'd react if they really knew me. Would they understand or judge me? I wonder what would happen if I opened up more. Could I handle being vulnerable? Maybe I'm just not ready to let go of my privacy yet.
A Changed Self
I've changed a lot since a big crisis in my life. Before that, I was different outgoing and not questioning much. Life seemed simple, and I didn't think deeply about anything. After the crisis, everything changed. I started seeing the world differently.
I began asking many questions. What's the purpose of everything? Why are we here? How do we find meaning without clear answers? At first, it was overwhelming, but now it's part of who I am. I've become more thoughtful and have grown a lot.
I've realized that we're all just trying to figure things out. Maybe the journey isn't about having all the answers, but learning to live with uncertainty. I've learned to accept that, even though it's still hard sometimes.
Looking back, I see how much I've changed. I used to be bratty and would annoy people. Now, when I look at my old self, I hardly recognize that person. I wonder how I lived like that so carefree and without deep thoughts. Sometimes, I'm even a bit jealous of my old self for being so free.---
Embracing the Power of Thought
"We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think." Buddha
Reflecting on my past, I've realized how much my thoughts have influenced who I am. My perspective on the world has changed a lot over time. In the past, I was carefree and loud, rarely stopping to think about things. Now, I find myself questioning a lot who I truly am, what my purpose is, and what really holds importance in life.